


You're Not Him

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/M, Ghosts, Hallucination/Ghost!Alexander, Hallucinations, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-20 23:31:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10673037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Alexander was dead. John longs for him.AKA an AU where Alexander dies and John outlives him.





	You're Not Him

John sighed to himself, shaking his head. God, he was stupid. It was a dream, just a fucking dream, or perhaps he should say a nightmare.

The eyes stared at him, a deep brown colour, though so lifeless to what they once were. It’s hair was strung back in a ponytail like it always was; it wore the same blue uniform as it always did; it’s glasses were still no one in site like they always were. It was dead, yet felt all too real to John. He wanted to hold it’s cold hand, stroke it’s hair, bring it in for a hug, though he knew he couldn’t

He blinked, hoping the ghost (Hallucination?) would disappear. And, it was just John’s luck that it didn’t.

Instead, it moved closer. John flinched. He could almost see through it, though it was just visible enough for him to see the outline, for him to know who it was.

“Alexander.” He whispered, and his flinched as it placed a hand on his cheek. “You’re not him.”

“I know.” It replied, gazing sadly upon it’s previous lover. “However, I can try.” It made to move it’s hand down John’s body, though he slapped it away.

“No.” He said sternly. He wanted to, oh, God, he did. He wished he could feel Alexander’s touch again; he wished he could kiss Alexander, his nose, his forehead, his hands, his chest; he wished he could stroke Alexander’s hair again, or hold his hand again, or sing with him again, or listen to him talk again. He just wanted his Alexander.

“Please.” It said, and pulled the puppy dog eyes he knew he couldn’t resist. He, in all fairness, did try his hardest.

“I can’t,” John whispered. “You’re dead. You’re not real. I’m insane.”

“Use your imagination.” It replied. “I’ll be gone as soon as you don’t need me anymore.”

“I’ll always need Alexander!” John said, voice raised slightly.

“But you won’t always need me.” It said. It sounded strangely sad, though it smiled. It took another step closer, now practically sitting on John’s knee, rubbing his thumb across his cheek. “Perhaps, I will only remain for one night. Perhaps I will remain for a year. That’s up to you, my love.”

“Don’t call me that!” John snapped, and it nodded.

“I apologise.” It said, then moving forward, kissing John. He was ashamed to say he kissed back within seconds. “You want this as much as I do.”

John pushed it away, eyes wide again. “You’re wrong. I want him. You are not him.”

“John?” A new voice asked. It was female and concerned. “John, darling, are you okay?”

“Huh.” He said, before opening his eyes again. The room was still as dark as it was before but the ghost (Hallucination?) had gone. The voice, who he now identified as his wife, Martha Manning, spoke again but he ignored it. What had happened? Oh, God, he was seeing things? He placed his head in his hands, sighing, holding back the tears.

“Jack.” She said, and he flinched.

‘No one else should call me that!’ He thought. ‘Only him!’

“Sorry.” He replied, instead. “I was distracted. Thought I heard something. I was silly.”

“Come back to sleep, then, Jack,” Martha replied, kindly, knowing he wouldn’t want talk about it. At first, she had pushed but now, she gave up. Her husband would never let her in. She knew he didn’t love her; she had lost hope of that long ago. It didn’t mean that she wouldn’t support him, though.

John nodded, silently laying back on his bed.

“I love you.” She whispered.

“I love you too,” John replied, though she knew he wasn’t talking to her. She sighed. It was something she would have to live with.

**Author's Note:**

> Talk to me on Tumblr: @hvmiltoon


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